Ok, I did a really stupid thing two days ago for exercise
and since I only hurt yesterday and didn’t feel abnormally sore, I didn’t
stretch. This morning when I woke up, I couldn’t reach my feet to put my socks
on, no joke. It took me all morning to get my clothes on. I’ve been walking around
like I have a book on my head all day. Mostly, it is in my hamstrings (back of
my legs). I don’t want to be melodramatic or anything but I think the best way
to describe the leg pain is that it feels like I have a handful of ninja stars
embedded into the backs of my legs…yeah, ninja stars.
So what did I do? It’s actually to stupid to repeat….so here
I go. I noticed that a buddy of mine has really increased the size of his
shoulder muscles. He had those huge lumps on his back that I’ve always wanted
(I call it the “back rack). He had also increased the size of those big round
muscles that are on the outside edge of the shoulders. It looked like he had grapefruits
at the top of his arms. I call those “shoulder balls” and I've always wanted some. I noticed that he was
talking about a new fitness program that was really kicking him and it was some
kind of boxing thing at a new gym in town.
Well, I started thinking about it and I have never ever
considered anything like that at all but going into the holiday season already
15 lbs over my limit, I thought this might just be what the doctor ordered. I
went online to look it up and right there they offered a free pass for the day.
It was meant to be. I called and asked about classes and they had a lunch time
class so I signed up. I figured since a lot of people work out on their lunch
hour, I could go there and get lost in the crowd and see if this was something
I might be interested in. Now sometimes I surprise my things a the things I
figure out on my own and sometimes I surprise myself at the things I don’t
figure out on my own. For some reason, the fact that this new gym was named “UFC”
was totally lost on me. What did I think that stood for, “Ultimate Fun Club”? The
person on the phone there told me I would be attending a class called “kickboxing”
and that it was for all levels.
Well, I walked in the door and right up front was an MMA cage…wait, what? Surrounding the
room were posters of MMA fighters. The exercise area was a big maze of hanging
punching bags. Oh my word…UFC…MMA…what was I thinking? I am so anti all of that
and here I was getting ready to “take a class”…whatever that meant.
A girl behind the counter asked me to come over to her and
hold my hands out in front of her. I did and she started wrapping my hands and
wrists. Hmmm…surely somebody would turn on some zumba music soon and a girl in
bright lycra would appear from somewhere…right? My hands were wrapped and she
said, “Here you go” and handed me some bright yellow boxing gloves, what? I
looked at them, back at her ,back at them and then my instructor walked up and
introduced himself. He was a young guy that
informed me he was a top boxer and that his hands are legally registered as
weapons. I had nothing. I had a driver’s license, my car was registered and could be used as a weapon and
I had an alarm button on my key fob but I was grasping. I felt like a girl…and
not in the pretty, curvy, fairer sex kind of way. Plus, what was I supposed to
do with those gloves? Why had the counter girl given them to me? Did she want
me to hand them to the instructor? Were they his?
I quickly informed the instructor that I was new and had
some old injuries,etc. Actually, I rambled for quite a while watching someone
else who was about to join the class putting on his gloves and I was trying to
mask the fact that I had no idea how on earth a person was supposed to put on
those Mickey Mouse gloves. I started to ask if he had any red boxing gloves as
my shoes had red on them but that little voice in the back of my head (the one
that tells you to shut up before you get killed) told me to hush. He comforted
me by letting me know he has quite a few old people like me in his class and
that I could move at my own pace. Wait, “old people like me”?….maybe I would
take a swing and blame it on being new; I had my car keys in my pocket.
Unfortunately, there were only two other people in my class.
Both were younger athletic guys who had been in the class for a couple of
months. Wow, no way I was going to blend in with the crowd or get lost in it.
Since it was my first class, I got one on one attention, the very thing I didn’t
want. Yep, the instructor stayed by my side the entire hour…hour.
We stared by doing things while traveling across the floor
that required some kind of hop. Well, I can’t hop, so I just looked like
someone with no rhythm. We did some warm ups and odd looking moves and then went
into throwing a few jabs and kicks. I can’t remember when the last time it was
that I kicked something, elementary school? When he told me it was time for me
to make some jabs, I was trying to think of something to criticize. He walked
us over to a mirror and we practiced jabbing which is the same thing a
punching, I think. I tried to channel my inner Rocky but all I could focus on
was my 15 lbs I was sporting like a front facing fanny pack in this overly
bright gym. I was shocked but had to look passed the jiggle and focus in my
Sylvester transformation, and in vision my future shoulder balls.
When I was about to call it quits, we started. OMG. I am not
sure what I was doing but I think I was copying the guy in front of me. We
punched the bag over and over and the trainer let me know that I didn’t have to
be so nice to the punching bag which I found to be a very polite way to say, “You
hit like a girl”. I used that insult to fuel the fire and keep on going. We
threw in some kicks which, I am sorry, I just was no good at. I have no skill
at standing on one leg at a time or raising my knee higher than my waist. There
were punches and kicks and my hip flexors were screaming but I just kept going
and chanting to myself, “Shoulder balls, shoulder balls”, I wasn’t about to
stop. We had to do this thing towards the end where we kicked the (body bag?)
with each leg once, then twice, and all the way up to five times and then work
our way back down again. I thought I was going to die. Oh to have been a
marionette. I was soaking wet! Then the instructor, who was still at my side,
announced we were going to do the same thing all over again but that we were
going to work our way all the way up to ten kicks and then back down again. Ug.
Remember, I was wobbly, and sweating and stumbling around like a drunk person
and I am pretty sure that those other two guys lost count. They were finished
when I was just getting ready to work my way down from ten. I guess I was
working at my own pace,right? I wasn’t worried about it until the instructor
told the other two guys to do jumping jacks and squats until I got finished.
Nothing like peer pressure, right? I could feel the heat from their glaring
eyes.
Finally we were finished (and by we I mean me) and we all
sat down…and the sit ups started. I have always heard that you aren’t supposed
to go all the way down and all the way back up again; it’s bad for the back.
Well, that’s what we were told to do and I wasn’t going to complain even though
I was sitting on indoor/outdoor carpet stretched over concrete and was pretty
sure I was about to experience something that would make a chiropractor cry. I
have no idea what these things were called but I am going to call them “tailbone
grinders”. Never, ever will I do those again. My tailbone still feels like it’s
broken.
During the entire event, the instructor was very supportive
telling me I was getting it and even that I was improving. When it was over, he was explaining
how that everyone that is new is just like me and doesn’t know how to do
anything and looks like they don’t know what they are doing. I think I know
what he meant to say. I was just glad it was over. I had no idea how to get the
gloves or the tape off but I’ll just tell you that if you tug hard enough,
those gloves will eventually come off, especially if you have small hands and
skinny wrists. I think I should have left the hand wrapping on for the rest of
the day just so I could tell people, “Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I just took
off my boxing gloves. I had them on in
my kickboxing class. Yeah…taped up…yeah. My car is registered. I can use it as
a dangerous weapon”.
I used muscles that I thought had died off. My legs are still
killing me and I almost couldn’t get in and out of my car all day. I have a
feeling that tomorrow won’t be much better as new aches and pains are starting
to set in tonight. I loved the class in a way because I was completely shot by
the end of it but it is just too far out of my comfort zone and too darn hard.
I don’t think I would get my money’s worth as it will take a week to recoup
from each class. So, if you see me walking funny this week, no I am not working
on my posture; I’m just sore. I do recommend the class for others though. It
will definitely hit you in areas you are not used to, unless you get into a lot
of street fights; then you can go to the head of the class. I looked at quite a few pain killers tonight
with their list of all the things they helped. Not a single one of them listed
that they helped kill ninja star pain.
and since I only hurt yesterday and didn’t feel abnormally sore, I didn’t
stretch. This morning when I woke up, I couldn’t reach my feet to put my socks
on, no joke. It took me all morning to get my clothes on. I’ve been walking around
like I have a book on my head all day. Mostly, it is in my hamstrings (back of
my legs). I don’t want to be melodramatic or anything but I think the best way
to describe the leg pain is that it feels like I have a handful of ninja stars
embedded into the backs of my legs…yeah, ninja stars.
So what did I do? It’s actually to stupid to repeat….so here
I go. I noticed that a buddy of mine has really increased the size of his
shoulder muscles. He had those huge lumps on his back that I’ve always wanted
(I call it the “back rack). He had also increased the size of those big round
muscles that are on the outside edge of the shoulders. It looked like he had grapefruits
at the top of his arms. I call those “shoulder balls” and I've always wanted some. I noticed that he was
talking about a new fitness program that was really kicking him and it was some
kind of boxing thing at a new gym in town.
Well, I started thinking about it and I have never ever
considered anything like that at all but going into the holiday season already
15 lbs over my limit, I thought this might just be what the doctor ordered. I
went online to look it up and right there they offered a free pass for the day.
It was meant to be. I called and asked about classes and they had a lunch time
class so I signed up. I figured since a lot of people work out on their lunch
hour, I could go there and get lost in the crowd and see if this was something
I might be interested in. Now sometimes I surprise my things a the things I
figure out on my own and sometimes I surprise myself at the things I don’t
figure out on my own. For some reason, the fact that this new gym was named “UFC”
was totally lost on me. What did I think that stood for, “Ultimate Fun Club”? The
person on the phone there told me I would be attending a class called “kickboxing”
and that it was for all levels.
Well, I walked in the door and right up front was an MMA cage…wait, what? Surrounding the
room were posters of MMA fighters. The exercise area was a big maze of hanging
punching bags. Oh my word…UFC…MMA…what was I thinking? I am so anti all of that
and here I was getting ready to “take a class”…whatever that meant.
A girl behind the counter asked me to come over to her and
hold my hands out in front of her. I did and she started wrapping my hands and
wrists. Hmmm…surely somebody would turn on some zumba music soon and a girl in
bright lycra would appear from somewhere…right? My hands were wrapped and she
said, “Here you go” and handed me some bright yellow boxing gloves, what? I
looked at them, back at her ,back at them and then my instructor walked up and
introduced himself. He was a young guy that
informed me he was a top boxer and that his hands are legally registered as
weapons. I had nothing. I had a driver’s license, my car was registered and could be used as a weapon and
I had an alarm button on my key fob but I was grasping. I felt like a girl…and
not in the pretty, curvy, fairer sex kind of way. Plus, what was I supposed to
do with those gloves? Why had the counter girl given them to me? Did she want
me to hand them to the instructor? Were they his?
I quickly informed the instructor that I was new and had
some old injuries,etc. Actually, I rambled for quite a while watching someone
else who was about to join the class putting on his gloves and I was trying to
mask the fact that I had no idea how on earth a person was supposed to put on
those Mickey Mouse gloves. I started to ask if he had any red boxing gloves as
my shoes had red on them but that little voice in the back of my head (the one
that tells you to shut up before you get killed) told me to hush. He comforted
me by letting me know he has quite a few old people like me in his class and
that I could move at my own pace. Wait, “old people like me”?….maybe I would
take a swing and blame it on being new; I had my car keys in my pocket.
Unfortunately, there were only two other people in my class.
Both were younger athletic guys who had been in the class for a couple of
months. Wow, no way I was going to blend in with the crowd or get lost in it.
Since it was my first class, I got one on one attention, the very thing I didn’t
want. Yep, the instructor stayed by my side the entire hour…hour.
We stared by doing things while traveling across the floor
that required some kind of hop. Well, I can’t hop, so I just looked like
someone with no rhythm. We did some warm ups and odd looking moves and then went
into throwing a few jabs and kicks. I can’t remember when the last time it was
that I kicked something, elementary school? When he told me it was time for me
to make some jabs, I was trying to think of something to criticize. He walked
us over to a mirror and we practiced jabbing which is the same thing a
punching, I think. I tried to channel my inner Rocky but all I could focus on
was my 15 lbs I was sporting like a front facing fanny pack in this overly
bright gym. I was shocked but had to look passed the jiggle and focus in my
Sylvester transformation, and in vision my future shoulder balls.
When I was about to call it quits, we started. OMG. I am not
sure what I was doing but I think I was copying the guy in front of me. We
punched the bag over and over and the trainer let me know that I didn’t have to
be so nice to the punching bag which I found to be a very polite way to say, “You
hit like a girl”. I used that insult to fuel the fire and keep on going. We
threw in some kicks which, I am sorry, I just was no good at. I have no skill
at standing on one leg at a time or raising my knee higher than my waist. There
were punches and kicks and my hip flexors were screaming but I just kept going
and chanting to myself, “Shoulder balls, shoulder balls”, I wasn’t about to
stop. We had to do this thing towards the end where we kicked the (body bag?)
with each leg once, then twice, and all the way up to five times and then work
our way back down again. I thought I was going to die. Oh to have been a
marionette. I was soaking wet! Then the instructor, who was still at my side,
announced we were going to do the same thing all over again but that we were
going to work our way all the way up to ten kicks and then back down again. Ug.
Remember, I was wobbly, and sweating and stumbling around like a drunk person
and I am pretty sure that those other two guys lost count. They were finished
when I was just getting ready to work my way down from ten. I guess I was
working at my own pace,right? I wasn’t worried about it until the instructor
told the other two guys to do jumping jacks and squats until I got finished.
Nothing like peer pressure, right? I could feel the heat from their glaring
eyes.
Finally we were finished (and by we I mean me) and we all
sat down…and the sit ups started. I have always heard that you aren’t supposed
to go all the way down and all the way back up again; it’s bad for the back.
Well, that’s what we were told to do and I wasn’t going to complain even though
I was sitting on indoor/outdoor carpet stretched over concrete and was pretty
sure I was about to experience something that would make a chiropractor cry. I
have no idea what these things were called but I am going to call them “tailbone
grinders”. Never, ever will I do those again. My tailbone still feels like it’s
broken.
During the entire event, the instructor was very supportive
telling me I was getting it and even that I was improving. When it was over, he was explaining
how that everyone that is new is just like me and doesn’t know how to do
anything and looks like they don’t know what they are doing. I think I know
what he meant to say. I was just glad it was over. I had no idea how to get the
gloves or the tape off but I’ll just tell you that if you tug hard enough,
those gloves will eventually come off, especially if you have small hands and
skinny wrists. I think I should have left the hand wrapping on for the rest of
the day just so I could tell people, “Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I just took
off my boxing gloves. I had them on in
my kickboxing class. Yeah…taped up…yeah. My car is registered. I can use it as
a dangerous weapon”.
I used muscles that I thought had died off. My legs are still
killing me and I almost couldn’t get in and out of my car all day. I have a
feeling that tomorrow won’t be much better as new aches and pains are starting
to set in tonight. I loved the class in a way because I was completely shot by
the end of it but it is just too far out of my comfort zone and too darn hard.
I don’t think I would get my money’s worth as it will take a week to recoup
from each class. So, if you see me walking funny this week, no I am not working
on my posture; I’m just sore. I do recommend the class for others though. It
will definitely hit you in areas you are not used to, unless you get into a lot
of street fights; then you can go to the head of the class. I looked at quite a few pain killers tonight
with their list of all the things they helped. Not a single one of them listed
that they helped kill ninja star pain.
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