I know better than to bring any kind of snacky/chippy things into the house. I know that no matter what size the bag, I will treat it as one serving. Well, last night’s Kroger run happened whilst I had the munchies. I saw a bag of some kind of flat pretzel-thins that were labeled “less fat” so I got them. It hit me later, “less fat than what?” I also grabbed some baked “less fat” (less than what?) corn chips and some baked “less fat” (less than what?) kettle style chips. Why did my inner chipaholic emerge? What was the trigger? Well, I had decided to make some spinach/artichoke dip. I don’t do this often so when I actually do make it, I make it cafeteria style …aka enough to feed a room full of people (even if that room is just going to be filled with me).
The flat less fat pretzels were designated as the travel snack that would see me safely and non-hypoglycemically back home for the one mile ride. Once home, I whipped up a trough of dip and tried it with my remaining half bag of less fat pretzels. MMMmmmmm. For some reason, when something is labeled as “less fat” , I tell myself it has no calories. As the bag emptied I flipped it over to see how many servings it was supposed to be (in Ethiopia) and then did some math. It seems I had just had 1000 calories of less fat pretzels. I still had some dip left in my version of a single serving so I wanted to try it out with my less fat corn chips. Deeelish! About ¼ bag into this I ran out of my single serving dip and decided it was time to put the chip clip to good use, either on the bag or on my lips. When I put it away I noticed my less fat kettle chips and thought that now would be a great time to comparison taste. You can eat a half a family bag of those hearty crunchsters before you know it.
I don’t have a calculator handy, so there is really no possible way for me to know the damage of my post dinner plunder but I am pretty sure it has been significant. All I know is that I wasn’t feeling the least bit guilty during Dipfest 2014. My non-guilty conscious was telling me that I was getting my daily dose of spinach and artichokes while my love handles and subsequent jiggly parts (known hithertofore as all adjoining parts that continue to move for a few seconds after I stomp my foot) were simply chanting “cream cheese, cream cheese”.
I”ll be glad when all this chip and dip is out of the house…which will probably be by this time tomorrow night. In the future, if you see me at Kroger with a bag of chips in my hands just run up to me and smack them right out of my hands; just do it. You will be doing me and my pants a favor. If you do see me in Kroger and I have a bag of chips in my hands and you walk over and smack it right out of my hands, I am sure you will be safe. On the off chance that hypoglycemia has set in, you will notice my ears fly back flat to the sides of my head and my hair will stand straight up on top of my head as a result of suddenly being chipless. If that happens, just back away…slowly, and nobody will get hurt.
