I have got to stop going places by myself so that I can have someone to experience (and back up) my stories for me. There is just no way it is as funny later as it was when it happened. Anyway, I have this bad tendency to not connect the dots from one moment to the next and also to connect them when I shouldn’t. This was a case of not connecting the dots.
I was once again at an Oriental restaurant, asking about the special. The cashier was busy with some to-go orders, etc when I asked what today’s special was. She turned and screamed out an order in her native tongue to the kitchen behind her, and then turned back to me to answer. Somehow, in those few seconds, I completely forgot that I had just asked her a question and from there on, it was all down hill. I am not sure what her name is but I am going to call her “Su”. This is how it went down and is best read aloud:
Me: So, what is today’s special?
Su: (turns to scream order to kitchen and then turns back to me and speaks slowly) Say shwan
Me: (I completely forgot that I had just asked her a question and had no idea what she was talking about) Excuse me?
Su: (slower) Say…shwan
Me: Uh….shwan
Su: (looking slightly confused, speaks slower) Uh…you wanna say….Shwan?
Me: Ok…ummm…shwan…shwan?” (getting paranoid that she might think I was making fun of her accent, I decided to try to clarify) Do you mean Swan…Swan? (my mind was racing to try to remember if I have ever heard of anyone eating Swan and if it was even legal or not but then again this was the place that I was pretty sure served me the dead baby koi and called it shrimp). Are you trying to say “Swan”, like a big giant duck?
Su: You wan duck? We hah Peekee duck. Peekee duck goooood. You wanna Peekee duck?
Me: No, no, I just wanted to check on the special today.
Su: (speaking slower and louder) Ah…ok…SAY…SCHWAN…mmmm…SAY SCHWAN NOODAL
Me: Uhhhhh, (I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what she wanted unless it was some kind of diction lesson) Shwan Noodle
Su: Ok, you gonna lie. You wan powahk, chicky, beef, owah shlimp?
Me: (Having no idea what had just happened or what I was ordering) Chicken, that sounds good.
So I sat down and hoped that I had not once again offended this lady (after the “Shlimp Spaytial” debacle last year) and hoped for the best. As I sat and waited I looked at the giant picture on the wall of some far away place that was actually beautiful and wondered where it was. I then looked around and up above the cashier, on the wall, was a dry erase board that read, “Today’s Special: Szechuan” under that was “Noodles with pork, chicken, beef or shrimp”. Click, the synapse went off; I got it. Suddenly everything made sense. Contrary to what I said earlier, I am really glad that I was there by myself. It might be mildly humorous now, but if someone had been there with me, I don’t think I ever would have heard the end of this.
