Nanas and Tatas

I asked a hair stylist today about a new product  for my hair and they assured me that it would feel completely natural once it dried. I just used it and maybe it’s because I put it over a pre-existing layer of hair gel, but I am currently a helmet head. I think those two products have merged into a hybrid concrete of sorts. Anystiff, the product also has an extremely strong scent. I am not sure what this scent is called but if I had to guess, I would say that it is probably called, “Nana’s hand cream.” Seriously, it’s hard core senior-scented. I hope it doesn’t turn my hair blue. I don’t think I’ll be able to use this in the summer without getting swarmed by bees…or without feeling like I need a shawl.

 
Tonight I was at Cheddars and there was a two year old boy at a table by me and that kid screamed at the top of his lungs nonstop for about ten minutes. The parents were in their early twenties and you could tell they were at a loss as to what to do. I kept thinking the kid would eventually wear out but he didn’t. Finally the mom got up and took him outside for a few minutes. When they came back and the kid sat back down, he started the same screaming nonstop. I started to think that maybe there was something wrong with the kid. He screamed on and on, louder and louder, stopping only to take a deep breath for better vocal support.  Those poor parents looked so helpless. At the table was also the grandmother. At some point Nana couldn’t take it anymore and I heard her say, “Let me give it a try.” Nana disappeared with the kid for a few minutes and then came back to the table with him. Now, I don’t know what Nana did or said, but all I can tell you is that kid didn’t make one single sound for the rest of the meal. Sometimes, going “old school” is a good thing. You go Nana.

 
When I got home tonight I saw that I had gotten a letter from Dow Corning. It was from their Settlement Facility Claims Processing Department. It seems that I am part of a multimillion dollar class action lawsuit. I have an ID number and everything. All I have to do is send them the paperwork showing when I had my Dow Corning breast implants put in and when I had them removed. If I still have them, I can get them replaced and or repaired, plus compensation. Seriously?  Really?  I have an ID number! What the…..? Have they been reading my notes? Is this about me being paranoid that someone has been slipping me Yaz in my flavored water at the gym? How do these things happen to me? Please tell me that everyone in the state of Tennessee got one of these letters. I may just go ahead and send in some kind of before and after pictures; you never know…stranger things have happened. If I suddenly disappear from Facebook and you get a friend request from someone named “Marsha Perry” that looks a lot like me with pigtails, take the friend request;  dinner’s on her.