Stop and Go Buster

 
Dear Man that pulled his car out in front of mine while I was travelling 50 mph down the road,

               Thanks for teaching me my car’s 50-0 breaking distance. Thank you, also,  for teaching me that my bladder can jump up and smack the backside of my Adam’s apple. I had no idea. There is just no way to thank you for re-shuffling my files that were sitting on my car seat. It’s different pages from different files …that’ll teach me to not ALWAYS keep them in my manbag/briefcase. Tomorrow I will find out if green tea causes a permanent stain in car carpet.  Thank you for rearranging my trunk. I was convinced that it was completely full….apparently not. I have plenty of room now, right at the front of the truck. Thanks for showing me how quickly I can get my heart rate up to its maximum. I will re-live this moment over and over again and I should be hitting my fat burning zone much more quickly now. Thanks for taking away the “buyer’s remorse” on my new overpriced, Otter shock absorbing rubbery phone case…no regrets. Thank you for having my bucket list flash across my windshield like something off the Matrix and letting me see that the list is full and that I need to get started. Really, all in all, I learned a lot today, all because of you. Thanks for the memories.

 

Dear Arthritis,

               Thanks for coming back to visit during the holiday season and for being a little bit early this year. Thanks for reminding me to be thankful for what I have. Thank you for giving me the inside scoop on impending weather conditions. Please ignore the massive bottles of Osteo-flex sitting on my kitchen counter. There’s your welcome, now don’t wear it out.

 

Dear Guy in Class,

               Thank you for crushing the myth that “there are no stupid questions.” Seriously…..dude.  When you raised your hand I had no idea that I was about to encounter a myth buster. Thank you for slowly articulating your overmedicated rant while still keeping one eye open. It was a question I would never have anticipated, “Why do the police pull you over just because you took a sleeping pill an hour before you hopped on the interstate to go home, when your doctor told you to take it an hour before you go to bed but didn’t tell you that you couldn’t drive after taking it?” Huh…what…oh. I apologize if I stood there for a while with my mouth hanging open not knowing how to answer. I also apologize for the wisdom of the weathered lady with the husky voice sitting on the front row that chimed in sounding/looking very much like Willy Nelson, “It’s kinda common sense…hello!” Thank you Myth Buster and thank you Wilma Nelson.