Dear People (Bird Watch)

Dear man standing in front of me at Kroger in the mislabeled “fast lane/self check out”. This is not a test, you are not on Let’s Make a Deal, you do not have curtains to choose from and you are not to pick from box #1, #2 or #3. Just do it. More importantly, the MasterCard…I’m sorry, MasterCharge, doesn’t get scanned over the glass scanner. Yes, I have seen your kind trying to do this twice now and it stumps me every time. There are also voice commands that you can follow and even though it doesn’t have “red neck” as a language option, you should be able to understand it.

Hitting the scanner was not your best moment. Yelling “bleep you…take my bleeping MasterCharge” was also not your best moment. Flipping a bird into the scanner screen as an “in your face scanner machine” was classic. Getting mad and walking off without your pile of trailer filler was the icing on the cake. The candle on the iced cake was you turning around at the exit door and making a gesture rarely seen outside the WWF arena. It was the rare but never misunderstood “overhead flying double bird w/up and down alternating piston arms”. What lit the candle on top of the iced cake was you yelling out to the Kroger shoppers, “This is bogus; I am going to Wallmarts”.

Dear sassy young Tyra Banks clone with luscious long hair and pink fuzzy house shoes standing in front of me at the mislabeled “fast lane/self check out” who witnessed what I witnessed, thank you for turning to me, flipping your long Tyra Banks hair to the back while holding  up one perfectly manicured fingernail and saying, “There ain’t no ‘s’ in Wallmart…he crazy.”  You made my night.

Thank you baby Jesus for putting in the midst of these special moments so that I can share them with others.