I'm Chipper

I know better than to have any kind of “snacky” food in the house. I obsess over it like it is something that needs to be checked off of some kind of “to do” list. My recent obsession was a box of Frosted Mini Wheats. I’ve had a long running relationship with these little critters. They actually never make it to a bowl of any kind; I just eat them like popcorn…highly frosted, packed in calorie popcorn. I eventually vowed to break off this relationship as it was causing more harm than good.

So yesterday I had a giant box of Frosted Mini Wheats sitting in the passenger seat, wearing a seatbelt (don’t judge). I am still a bit paranoid after the road kill incident from the other night. Heaven forbid I should have to hit the brakes and lose an entire box of candied wheat (I have a strict “no eating off the floor mat” policy).

I am not sure if I was telling myself that I would just have one or two every now and then when I got the munchies or not. I know better. I knew that box was going to be empty by the end of the day. I am also not sure why they were there. It’s not like I was on some kind of road trip and might have to go for miles without seeing a gas station or something (do those areas even exist anymore) but I had my survivalist box of Frosted Mini Wheats there by my side…just in case.

Once that box was opened, it was all over. I was riding down the road running through those tasty squares and happy as the city wood chipper the week after Christmas. At the end of the day, there was Frosted Mini Wheat shrapnel all over the car. When I got out of the car in the gym parking lot last night, after a fifteen minute sugar coma nap, I noticed that I had a mini wheat up on my dashboard. I have no idea how it got up there. I opened the back door to get out my gym bag and there on the back seat was another mini wheat. Seriously? How in the world did it get back there? Did I, at some point, just start throwing them at my face? Oh my word; I hope I am not on someone’s Facebook page today in a video titled “ The human woodchipper”. It’s a good thing I don’t have any kids. They would hate me. Their bags of Cheerios and Fruitloops would never make it through a church service…as a matter of fact, they would probably arrive at church with empty bags.

I was worn out when I got to the gym. I was blaming it on the fact that I had just taken in month’s worth of sugar in a matter of hours but it could have been all that chewing. I was exhausted. New rule: no more desert cereals allowed. I wish Kroger had a way of cutting a person off. You know, like a way you could go online and set up an account and put a list of things on there that it won’t let you buy. I think that might work. It would be like, if I tried to buy something on the hit list, it would sound an “alarm of shame” and not let me scan the item. I know it sounds extreme but maybe it’s time large corporations took a little personal responsibility for their customers. Maybe it’s time for Kellogg to also step up to the plate and show some personal responsibility and not put Frosted Mini Wheats in such big boxes. Who knows, I might even sue. I am concerned that the increased sugar and subsequent weight gain might be detrimental to my health. Maybe this would be a wakeup call to big business. Personal responsibility, it seems to be a thing of the past and such a hard thing to teach. All I know is that I have got to go to the $5 car wash today with the unlimited time slot vacuum. I have work to do; there is wheat to harvest.