The Slippery Cloud

("The Cloud"-it's a glamor shot...and no, that is not my house)

I finally, finally, finally bought a new….used car. My plan was to buy a black car as that is my all time favorite color. My second choice, depending on the type car, was red/burgundy, or champagne gold. I had it narrowed down to a champagne gold (inside and ou) Lincoln MKZ and a Black with tan interior Honda Accord. The Honda was newer but the MKZ had fewer miles and was just prettier. So what did I end up with? I white Ford Taurus? What??? I’ve never had a white car in my life. It just feel odd.

The irony to all of this is that three years ago I was in a black Prius and someone ran a red light and totaled my car. It was a huge old van and it slammed right into the side of my car and smashed everything from the front of the wheels to the bumper. I was “T-boned”.A half second later and it would have been right and my door and I wouldn’t be typing right now. I had told myself that night that my next car would be a big, white tank. I had even thought about buying a used ambulance as I was now on “total number two”. The first wreck almost killed me and the second one could have but just shook me up, spun me around and slammed my head into the side of the door. It left me loopy for about a week. I started thinking that I could just buy a used ambulance and cut out the middle man. I guess this car is a bit like an ambulance…just without all the bells and whistles.

So I ended up, after all, with a huge white tank that is really safe. I drove my huge, dirty car home and have been loving it ever since. Today, I took it back to let them do their final clean up and detail work. They charged enough for it so I was going to make sure to take advantage of it. I picked it up and it was spotless. It was the cleanest ambulance/tank that I had ever seen. It was gleaming.

I got in, feeling very special, and noticed the nice clean scent. I will say that I miss the antifreeze scent…it has made me a little bit nervous over the past few days thinking about not having it. I calmed mysel by putting a little antifreeze in my scented oil diffuser at home. I think that will do the trick. I don’t HAVE to have it, I just like it. It’s no big deal, really.

Anyway, I got in the car and noticed immediately that the people who detailed the car had put Amor All in my car (if you don’t know what that is, it is a type of silicone/oil product that lubricates plastic and rubber and also makes everything shiny and slick). Unfortunately, it was in places it wasn’t intended to be. First, I have these big rubber floor mats that can hold mud and water (or green tea with ginsing) and they had lavished these rubber mats with Amor All. I couldn’t keep my feet in the same place while driving. They also put Armor All on the steering wheel. So there I was driving down the road with my feet on the lubricated rubber floor mats and my feet kept suffling back and forth (Fred Flinstone style), and all the while I was giving my steering wheel a nice, long, therapeutic, Swedish massage. How do these things happen? I was just happy that it wasn’t raining. I can’t imagine me trying to walk in my newly lubricated tennis shoes on a wet surface. That would have been a cartoon waiting to happen.

I decided that I needed to hurry up and give my car a name. I always name my cars. This one was tough. It reminded me of the Michelin Man and I thought that I could name the car “Mitch” for short. A smart friend of mine informed me that the Michelin Man actually has a name. It is Bibendum. That’s just too much to explain. Then I thought about naming it after an ambulance and calling it “Lance”. That’s not bad. Really, looking at it, I just think it looks like a big white cloud. I am going to name it “The Cloud”. I am only writing that in pencil though because often, after driving a car for a bit, it takes on a different personality that seems to have its own name. I know how that goes; I have several of them myself (and so do I).

I guess that it is only fitting and normal for me to set out to buy a black car and have a long forgotten synapse fire off and find the perfect car for me that is white. I guess it is also only normal for me to get my car detailed and have the rubber floor mats and steering wheel lubed. Anyway, the car search drama/trauma is over and I can get back to my “normal” life. I feel better now. I feel a little bit safer and a little less "antifreezy".